Couples & Marriage Therapy  

In couples therapy, the relationship between you is the primary client. Since love is actually more a choice than a feeling,  choosing to become a guardian of this sacred blossoming life between the two of you is at the heart of couples work. Couples come to therapy in all seasons life and love – just starting a relationship, living together, starting a family, raising children (and dealing with teenagers!) empty nesting, or caring for each other in old age.

Learning "whole body" listening helps interpret communication between you.

Sue Johnson, in her research on Emotionally Focused Therapy, shares the importance of recognizing the early developmental needs that get stirred up in intimate relationships.  These are often expressed unconsciously through behaviors, voice tone and other nonverbal ways.  Like tilling and preparing the earth before planting a garden, learning about and being sensitive to one another's attachment styles, developed with earliest care givers, helps create a caring and solid foundation of emotional empathy and intelligence as a couple.  It also allows for greater capacity to support your partner in "feeling felt" by you at an emotional level creating a sense of trust and safety.  

How are you nourishing
your relationship? 

• maintaining a healthy, open, honest communication? 

• spending quality time together regularly?

• learning how to deal with conflict creatively?

• giving one another the benefit of the doubt?

• practicing forgiveness and compassion daily?

• maintaining a good sense of humor? 

• creating a balance between work, chores, and play time with your spouse, children, extended family and friends?

• loving physical and psychological self care?

• maintaining quality emotional and sexual intimacy?

• prayer / meditation time? 

Differentiating is central to
Regulating interpersonal Anxiety

Differentiating what is coming from inside of you, consciously or unconsciously, and what is being communicated to you from your partner is central to regulating interpersonal anxiety and maintaining a sense of self while being in relationship.  In couple's therapy we support development of individuation skills,  discovering how to nurture and nourish ourselves while maintaining our connection with each other. These skills are  vital to maintaining a healthy relationship throughout the seasons of its life. 

John Gottman, PhD, came up with four relationship killers that he terms "the four horseman of the apocalypse."  They are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.  Since these are like weeds that could strangle your relationship, it is very important toI update your communication / negotiation skills to successfully and positively interact with each other in a more life giving way.